Difficult Decisions: Sending Teens “Home” for High School

This article is by Kay Baker, the Director of PACE’s “Education Planning for Families in Transition” course. She and her family have lived and served in Sweden for over 20 years, where she serves as a Regional Director for GEM and staff member with SHARE Education Services. In her free time, Kay enjoys singing with a local Swedish gospel choir.

As a family grows on the field, so do the decisions about education options. While there are many things to consider during the different phases of a child’s educational life, I would like to focus on the decision to send a teen to high school in the family’s home country while the family stays in the host country. 

A couple of reasons for this option may be:

1. A family moves when their child is a teen.
2. The high school in the host country is not a good fit for the teen and home school is not an option.

It is always a good idea to include children in any education options being considered, especially when they are teens. Working through pros and cons together will help solidify this option as a family choice, not just something mom and dad decided for the teen. 

Consider the following when thinking about this option. Where will the teen live? With grandparents or other family members? With parents’ friends? With the teen’s friends? Picking the right living environment is crucial to making this a good experience for the teen and the absent parents. The host parents will be responsible for many of the day-to-day tasks. Finding host parents whom both the teen and the teen’s parents trust is important. Don’t rush into this vital decision.

Expectations should be discussed openly and honestly. This includes expectations between the parents and teen, parents and host parents, teen and host parents. It won’t be easy going all of the time, but spelling out basic expectations will help. Create a culture of transparency. Discussion points:

1. Discipline
2. Communication between parents and host parents. How often and what does it entail (involved in disputes in friendships, consulted on academics and learning-related events, want to know every aspect of a child’s day or just the headlines)?
3. Agreement on how to access information parents need. Possibly use an app for that source of information. The parents, host parents and teen could all be connected.
4. Church
5. Money matters

Being away from the teen will be difficult, but long-distance parenting has been made a little easier with developments in technology. Learn how to use tech to span the physical distance. When parenting from a distance:

1. Schedule regular talks. Communicate regularly, but not excessively.
2. Have meaningful conversations. Don’t just ask about school. 
3. Parent digitally. Provide a listening ear to how the teen is feeling. Let him/her know they are supported. Don’t make promises that cannot be kept. 
4. Plan online activities together. Watch a movie, play games, listen to a podcast and then discuss. 
5. Stand your ground with rules that have been established.
6. Don’t give into emotional blackmail. The choice to do high school in the home country has been made for the right reasons. Everyone has committed to this option.
7. Send snail mail when possible. Receiving a letter or care package is always a picker upper. 
8. Be present even when not there. The teen needs to know that they can still talk to parents when things go wrong, when something unexpected happens and when something wonderful happens. Parents are still a part of their life.

Sending a teen to the home country for high school is a difficult decision, but with proper planning and follow-through it can work.

.

© 2012-2023 PACE All rights reserved